The more...

It has been an exciting past couple of weeks for Erin and I. On this path towards Juja Java, we have found ourselves again and again longing to return to the country of Kenya, the birthplace of our dream.

This longing has slowly overtaken us. And it has overtaken us to the point of action, to the point of pursuit.

Thus a few weeks ago, Erin and I began to communicate with CMF about returning to Nairobi as apprentices. We were accepted. Upon this, we started the slow process of going back, sending e-mails to this missionary and that missionary, on and on.

Meanwhile, I just kept thinking that this would be six predictable months of my life after graduation. I just kept thinking about that I would return home in June of 2010 in order to go back to school. I just kept thinking that we would float for the six months while we were there.

Yet it seems as though there are greater things in store for us as we return to Kenya. We have not only been accepted as apprentices, but we have been asked to do more.

More looks like taking pictures of sponsored children, writing their sponsors, writing publications, posting on the website, etc. More looks a lot more definite and perhaps a little more long term than six months of floating. More seems strikingly similar to all of that things that we already love to do.

And I want more. Erin wants more. We want more.

I find myself speechless and in awe of this "more." I find myself whispering to God that I am not worthy of such an opportunity. I find myself praying that no sin will intrude on such service. I find myself realizing that life is about to be much bigger than I ever dreamed it would be.

I find myself wondering why such paths are opening up to me, opening to us.

Though I have no answer, I think of the words of King David who said, "I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free."

So I look to this more, I look to Erin, then I look to me, and I nod, I whisper, I pray. For we are about to be set free.

And thus Juja is about to be set free.

In this together...

Erin showed me this video this week. It moves me tremendously. And it makes the passion I have for Juja Java burn hotter, stronger, and brighter.

We scream, "That's not right. That's not fair." And we want to be a part of the people who are doing more. We want to be a part of the people who are willing to have it cost us something.

So Juja, we pray you do something about this. We pray that we do not forsake the lives of others at any point on this journey, lest we forsake our own lives.

We are all in this together.

Jesus offers a new vision of family

*Sigh*

I just read B's post and could not agree more. I wanted to cry reading it. I've been doing alot of that lately. These past few weeks, I have been an emotional wreck. I have been searching my heart to figure out where exactly it's all coming from. I'll expand more on my blog about the beauty God has been revealing to me, but I want to share the part relating to Juja.

From the start, B and I have been praying this dream would be carried out through us, but that it would not for a moment become about us. We long to please our Father in Heaven. We solely seek to glorify Him.

This summer, I guess you could say that I woke up to a God who has always been there. For the first time in my life, I realized that my life has always been His. He gave me the choice to give it back to Him, and I finally felt like I had. And I told God that this idea of surrendering was scary, but that I was His, and it was His life.

I've felt so frustrated though, because I don't always know what that means. Trying to keep this balance of grace, love, mercy, truth, forgiveness- it can become so difficult. On top of that, I feel everything I think. My mind races at this constant speed with hundreds of thoughts, and I feel every single one of them. Whether that makes sense or not is not the point I guess. I know that I have given Him my life and that he is breaking me apart piece by piece to continue to mold me to the image of Christ. It's not always easy, but it is nothing less than amazing.

It was so cool when I got a text from B the other night reading: "Fight to recall and live what Christ showed you there!" I grew tremendously and learned a great deal this summer in Africa. And it was beautiful to meditate on the memories, the people, and the God I continue to learn more about. Once again, I realized that this life of mine is not mine at all; only His.

That reoccurring question continued to pop up in my mind. What does that mean, God? I was praying for Juja Java, reading, praying for Mathare (the slums we spent our summer in), reading some more. And it was like the pages of Scripture came to life. The truth is, everything I read now reminds me of my summer.

Since we've been back, three passages have screamed out to me the people of Mathare. I read them and I see their faces: "Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generousity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints. And they did not do as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God's will...At the present time your plenty will supply what they need, so that in turn their plenty will supply what you need. Then there will be equality." 2 Corinthians 8:2-5; 14

"I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength...And my God will meet All your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 4: 11-13; 19

I read this last passage one morning while in Kenya. It made me think of our friends in Mathare, and I went up to my dear friend Martha and read it to her: "We always thank God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, when we pray for you, because we have heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and of the love you have for all the saints- the faith and love that spring from the hope that is stored up for you in heaven and that you have already heard about in the word of truth, the gospel that has come to you. All over the world this gospel is bearing fruit and growing, just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and understood God's grace in all its truth." Colossians 1: 3-6

It was this summer that I experienced the gospel that was bearing fruit all over the world. It was this summer that I realized that the God worshipped in Kenya, was the same God I worshipped. It was this summer that destroyed the barriers, the labels, the differences. I longer saw American, African, etc., I saw my brothers and sisters in Christ. It was this summer that paved the way for relationships across the world- in the family of God.

Those people are more than just a summer in Kenya. They are my family; wrestling, growing, bearing fruit, living lives worthy of the Lord.


And so my heart continues to beat and break for my long lost family. We are all trying to find our way back to a God who never left our side- who has been there all along.

My prayer is for Juja to play a role in this vision of family; to take in the brusied, beaten, and broken and welcome them into our family.

What we are about...

I finished up a little 120 page book called "Becoming the Answers to Our Prayers," the other day. This is where I stumbled upon the prayer listed below.

My thought while reading this prayer was over and over again simply, "Yes. Of course. Yes God."

This is the prayer of Juja Java, which will "accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work." Yet despite it being tiny, this is what Erin and I wish to do with our lives.

"This is what we are about."

Erin and I are both rapidly approaching the end of our college careers. That is scary. Last time we were together, we both sat down to talk about some logistics regarding what the next two years will look like for us. Aside from becoming painfully aware of our financial limitations, we became more and more aware that after spending six months in Kenya, we have no clue.

Yet I think having no clue, no plans post Kenya is beautiful and magnificent in its own way. I think it opens up avenues for us in every direction. And it requires that we have deep seated faith that Christ will direct us in life after college.

I look around my school and I see graduating seniors doing all kinds of things. They are getting married. They are finding their entry level jobs. They are buying homes. They are financing cars. They are planning on working hard and making money. They want to "be something" and "go somewhere."

But for me, the thought of doing any of those things turns my stomach. In my mind, those things are a one way path to becoming what I do not want to become- the insulated, the comfortable, perhaps even the poor in spirit.

And so I find myself and I find Erin turning from what we are expected to do in this next phase of life. We are waiting on God and expecting one huge adventure from now until we breathe our last breathe.

As the books final chapters says, "We are the ones God is waiting on. When we throw our hands up at God and inquire, "Why do you allow this injustice?" we have to be ready for God to toss the same question back at us."

So as God tosses that same question back at us, we focus on now, the next phase, and the future of Juja Java to answer God.

For, "this is what we are about."

-B

Romero's prayer...

It helps, now and then, to step back and take a long view.
The kingdom is not only beyond our efforts,
it is even beyond our vision.
We accomplish in our lifetime only a tiny fraction
of the magnificent enterprise that is God's work.
Nothing we do is complete, which is a way of saying
that the kingdom always lies beyond us.
No statement says all that could be said.
No prayer fully expresses our faith.
No confession brings perfection.
No pastoral visit brings wholeness.
No program accomplishes the church's mission.
No set of goals and objectives includes everything.
This is what we are about.
We plant the seeds that one day will grow.
We water seeds already planted,
knowing that they hold future promise.
We lay foundations that will need further development.
We provide yeast that produces far beyond our capabilities.
We cannot do everything, and there is a sense of liberation
in realizing that. This enables us to do something,
and to do it very well. It may be incomplete,
but it is a beginning, a step along the way,
an opportunity for the Lord's grace to enter and do the rest.
We may never see the end results, but that is the difference
between the master builder and the worker.
We are workers, not master builders; minsters, not messiahs.
We are prophets of a future not our own.
Amen

-Archbishop Oscar Romero

Let it sink in, thoughts are coming...
-B-

The blueprint...

This week was grand in the world of Juja Java.

Erin spent five days in Atlanta with me. We journeyed to my favorite corners of the city. We fellowshipped with the best of those around us. We experienced a little bit more of what life will look like when we live in the same city.

There is so much more I could say about our time together.

But perhaps what was most exciting, most significant, about our time together was the by product you see before you.

You see, on Tuesday, Erin presented me with a laminated banner of Juja Road.

And on Friday, Erin and I sat down with our banner, Bibles, and markers to write down our dreams for Juja Java.

Thus this week, Erin and I created our first, our initial, our original dream board.

Because every dream, whether it is to build a house, a car, or a career, needs a blueprint.

Webster's dictionary defines a blueprint as something serving as a model or providing guidance; a detailed plan or program of action.

Moreover, the prophet Habakkuk writes, "This vision is for the future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed."

Therefore, Erin and I now possess a banner, a blueprint, that will serve as a model for us. It will provide guidance. It will steer us with a detailed plan.

And like Habakkuk, our vision for Juja is for the future time. Our banner describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.

So, the vision is alive my friends.

We have the blueprint of our dream permanently written on the walls of our hearts. And now it is permanently written on the walls of our rooms.

-Bethany

Can you smell the aroma?

"Love woke me up this morning

with a memory.

Love came and whispered a story

that awakened a dream."

B and I have talked to CMF about going back to Kenya next January of 2010. If everything follows through (Lord-willing), and the missionaries give us the "okay", we will be back in our humble abode of this past summer, with our Kenyan brothers and sisters. We plan on staying 6-months (give or take). It's all so very exciting, I just don't know what to do with myself. It is one of the weirdest things- to grieve because your heart is in another place.

The Work of the Master Planner is just incredible because it was through Kenya that Bethany and I not only met, but came to realize that this dream, this passion, this idea had been there all along. We've tapped into this freedom to dream; to take hold and embrace this God-sized dream of Juja Java. It is expectantly scary, overwhelmingly exciting, and absolutely liberating!

And so, with plans to cross overseas again, to the beautiful country of Kenya, I am confident that God will continue to build onto this foundation, clarifying and unraveling this plan for Juja Java. Again, we pray that it is all about Him.

With our hearts aching to love, we are keeping the dream alive, waking up each day with eyes that are seeing for the first time, like they've never seen before.

My question for you then, is this: can you smell the aroma of Christ through a cup of coffee at Juja Java?

One year closer...

"Most people don't aim too high and miss. They aim too low and hit." -Bob Moawad

"There isn't one person in a thousand who can write down his or her most exciting dreams without at the same time telling themselves that "it's probably impossible." The truth is, virtually anything is possible- nothing is too good to be true. What would you attempt if you knew you could not fail? Write down a dream that you would love to pursue if you absolutely knew you could attain it. It may be more doable than you think."

"Give yourself permission to aim high in work and life. Take time to dream and plan."

"So many of our dreams at first seem impossible, then seem improbably, and then, when we summon the will, they soon seem inevitable." -Christopher Reeve

We are aiming high.
We are attempt Juja Java as if we knew we could not fail.
We are taking time to dream and plan.
We are chasing the inevitable.

And thus, in 2009, we are one year closer to the inevitable dream God has for us.

In the wheat field...

It has been quite a whirlwind in the realm of the Juja Java dream lately.

Titus and I took an adventure journey to the land of Oz (Kansas) two weekends ago. I posted a little bit about that on my own blog. Now it is time to record more thoughts on our blog.

Our journey to Kansas was beautiful for several reasons. First, and obviously, we were able to see four, yes FOUR, of our teammates from our summer in Kenya-- Justin, Ashley, and David live in "The Little Apple," (Manhattan) and Sarah ventured down from Joplin to spend a night with us. Second, we met and acquired a new member of the family, Ashley-- who will be marrying our brother Justin in May. And third, if the good fellowship and new family were not enough, we ventured through the Oz Museum-- a gem of a place hidden in the little town of Wamego which contained over 2,000 Oz artifacts.

Yet those are just the surface things, the surface blessings from our trip. I felt a very deep and spiritual sensation while we were in Kansas. And I still feeling the ramifications of that sensation and stir.

I think of one particular quote a lot when I think of my Kenya team. The quote says, "Each person represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born."

I think of this because the day that I met my teammates, especially those closest to me, a new world was born.

Moreover, the day that Titus and I became to put together the dream of Juja Java, another new world was born.

And in both of these new worlds- my relationships and my dream- I find them overcoming and taking precedence over things that used to occupy my world as a whole. And it is to the point where I do not know what I did before the existence of these two new worlds.

So when I see these relationships and our dream interacting together, I experience as I said, a very deep and spiritual sensation. It is as though my soul is most alive, most stirred, among our team and our dream.

Thus the ramifications of this stir, the ramifications of our weekend in Kansas, was the sensation that perhaps the possibilities for Juja Java are much broader than we originally imagined or intended. Perhaps it may not be in Atlanta. Perhaps in will be in another city and another state. And perhaps we will have the honor of teammates residing among us as we run, chase, and live the dream that God has for us.

And so the dream is only getting bigger in the sense that it is only getting broader. We have no idea where Juja will be. We have no idea who Juja will work with. We have no idea what Juja will contain.

But we do know the dream is alive, well, and increasingly broadening. It is as broad and endless as a wheat field of Kansas. And we stand still in the wheat field, so to speak, until we have some place to move, figuratively and literally.

-Bethany-

As good as gingerbread...

Yes, we build gingerbread houses.

Yes, we put Juja Java on the side of it.

Yes, we are awesome.

Yes, you can be friends which such awesome people.

And yes, everything at Juja will taste as good as gingerbread!

A beautiful collision...

Though this day is our country's official holiday, I feel as though my Thanksgiving has already come and gone.

You see, last Saturday, Titus, some friends, and myself hosted a meal for some of our downtown friends. The spread of food ranged from traditional turkey to Kenyan mashed potatoes. The range of music flowed from Kim Walker to Jimmy Jackson. The activities ranged from chess games to soul trains. I could go on for hours.

So what does this meal have to do with Juja Java?

Everything. Absolutely everything.

Because at this meal, this feast, this celebration of life, I felt as though I was catching a glimpse of heaven. The types of people present at the party- heaven will be attended like this. The glory of a feast among saints and sinners- heaven will include this. Joy and love and company and music and food and laughter and utter contentment- heaven will be like this.

Though these things are present in heaven, they should be present on earth as well. I look to times when Jesus prayed that God's will would be done on earth as it is in heaven.

Therefore, I think that when heaven comes down to earth, it is a very glorious thing. It is a very sacred thing. It is a very breathtaking thing -- it will take the breathe right out from your lungs because it is the collision of two worlds functioning under perfect intent.

And I had the honor of witnessing these two worlds collide into one at this feast.

It was such a beautiful collision.

So I relate that directly to Juja because I long for that collision to be at the core of our focus. It only seems right that it should be.

And I do not pretend that we have the formula for the collision perfected by any means. I do not know how often we will have the honor to see the collision happen. I do not think we have reached the point of fully understanding how the collision should manifest itself.

But I do know that the beautiful collision on Saturday took my breathe away.

And I will fight and work and strive to bring about the collision in Juja Java.

"Then he turned to the host. "The next time you put on a dinner, don't just invite your friends and family and rich neighbors, the kind of people who will return the favor. Invite some people who never get invited out, the misfits from the wrong side of the tracks. You'll be—and experience—a blessing. They won't be able to return the favor, but the favor will be returned—oh, how it will be returned!—at the resurrection of God's people." Luke 14:12-14

It will be such a beautiful collision.

-B-

The overflow...

I have a couple thoughts backed up in my Juja filled head, but instead of stacking them into one post, I think I need to sequence this out. So for my first thought stems from the week I just had.

This week was rough for a variety of reasons. I will just throw it out there as it is.

I wrote on my blog a little bit about the theme that seems to be invading me right now-- the concept of leaving and staying.

As I see people physically and emotionally walking out of my life, I find myself staying fixed. And as I find myself physically and emotionally separately myself from people, I find others steady in their places.

Perhaps one of the hardest things about returning from Kenya has been the shift in the dynamics of my friendships. I knew that my relationships would be different when I returned, however the manifestations of that have exceeded my expectations. I left for Kenya, other people stayed. This brought and continues to bring change.

And so sometimes I struggle to embrace the changes that are produced by the act of leaving and staying. However, given time and stillness, I always come around to it. Christ always gets me to the place of understanding why others and myself sometimes need to leave and sometimes need to stay.

Yet in grappling with this concept this week, I had one very bright spot. It came from none other than... Erin Titus!

Because here is the thing that this week demonstrated to me so well--

Erin and I are not friends because we have a dream that we share. We do not join for the sake of the dream. Instead, Erin and I are friends who happen to share a dream. We join for the sake of friendship, of fellowship, and under all of that has emerged the beautiful concept of Juja Java.

So this dynamic of friendship is at work and it is so very encouraging.

I look over to Titus sometimes and tell her, "You know, we are real life friends now." And I say that to mean that we spent this summer with twenty three people. Some of them are friends in the context of Kenya. And others are friends in the greater context of life.

We have overflowed into real life now. And that is a beautiful, sacred thing.

Because regardless of who is leaving and who is staying in the rest of my life, one person that I have complete faith in is Titus. She could physically go to any part of the world, I could physically stay in any part of the world, and yet I never question emotionally leaving. She is stuck with me!

We have overflowed into real life now. Amen.

-Bethany-

Say WHAT?

"Even when we sleep, our desire does not. It is who we are. We are desire. It is the essence of the human soul, the secret of our existence. Our desire, if we will listen to it, will save us from committing soul-suicide, the sacrifice of our hearts on the altar of getting by. The same old thing is not enough. It never will be."

My desire is to love: to love God whole-heartedly and to love His people.

I once read that the story of your life is the story of the journey of your heart through a dangerous and beautiful world. About a year ago, my heart began to beat for Kenya; a heartbeat so loud I found myself living there for two and a half months this past summer. And it was there, that I came to know my God in a different way. I saw Him in a different light. He exposed to be how vast and wide He is, how big, how HUGE! It was there that I came to know my God of an unlimited nature. And this was so different to me because up to this point, I had put Him in a box; I had tried to contain Him. It wasn't until this summer that I let Him break free. There is no more impossible; only unlimited possibilities.

BREAK FREE. Wow. Sounds amazing, doesn't it?

It was also in Kenya, that I met this crazy radical passionately pursuing God in the same way as me. Her name is Bethany:) We instantly bonded through the love of our Savior, but also through the love we have for people, Kenya, and coffee. And in a place so far away from home, she was my home, my safe-haven. And it was the start of a beautiful friendship that opened up the dream to a beautiful partnership.

With the talk becoming a reality, I realized the comfort of home found in her was not just something in Kenya, but something I experience everytime I am with her. As we collect cookbooks and share in the dream God has laid on our hearts, we surrender fully to the Giver of Life.

As I sit listening to Hillsong, "Show me Your heart; show me Your way; show me Your glory", I praise the One who finds us worthy of the call. Because it's ALL about Him, not us. So whether the plans change along the way, the goal remains the same: loving our Father with abandoned delight and responding to His voice.

-Erin-

The potential of home...

Fun note: I am currently sitting in Knoxville next to my co-conspirator. We are sipping tea. We are melting into the sound of melancholy music. This is beautiful.

Actual substance: It has been interesting to watch Juja Java slightly evolve from a conversation to a future reality.

I have had a lot of conversations in my life which have included, “Hey, we should do that together!” Yet most of these conversations have ended being just that- a conversation. No intended action.

Yet such is not true with Erin and I. Instead, I actually believe that we are going to accomplish exactly what we intend to do, Lord willing.

Thus, I consider this venture that we are on to be a rarity in the world. I consider it to be a very magical and sacred thing.

I find evidence of this venture, the future reality, all around me.

Nearly every hour Erin and I are together, we will inject something in our dialogue which usually consists of, “Oh and that can go in Juja. And what do you think about that?”

It is as though the dream is whispering to us all the time, in every location. The list and magnitude of Juja is growing. Bookshelves, check. Couches, check. African dishware, check. On and on.

And if this visit to Knoxville is anything like the last, I know that I will drop into a somewhat depressive stupor come Monday. It is the feeling that follows every visit with Erin. I can only associate the feeling with being homesick.

It is not at all that I feel homesick for the city of Knoxville. I suppose it is more that I feel homesick for the sentiment of a shared purposed. I feel homesick for the personification of the dream that I find in Erin. I feel homesick for the hope I find in the future when I am sitting next to my joint visionary.

And as I sit in Knoxville this weekend, I feel at home; home being defined as the place which is closest to the heart of our dream.

So we stand outside of our home, which may have been thought of and forgotten by others before us. Though the paint is chipped and the front porch is sagging, we believe in the potential of home- the potential of the dream before us.

I close with the words of the wise theologian Shel Silverstein:

Listen to the mustn'ts, child
Listen to the don'ts
Listen to the shouldn'ts
The impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves
Then listen close to me--
Anything can be, child
Anything can be.

For just as in your own home, anything can be. I say in Juja, anything can be, child.

Anything can be.

-Bethany-

Welcome...

I went to Kenya in search of a definitive calling for my life. I wanted the moment, the “ah-ha” moment, that would bring clarity for the next phase of my life.

In coming to the near conclusion of my undergraduate education, I find myself in the same position I was in at the end of my high school education. I find myself standing with the question, “Well… what is next?”

Despite my search this summer, I did not have my “ah-ha” moment in Kenya. I had so many other moments. God moments. People moments. Love moments. Fulfillment moments.

Yet in a way, I came home from my summer in Nairobi with more direction than I imagined. Sure, there was no moment- I did not hear God in the earthquake so to speak. Instead, the clarity that I have found has stemmed from the amalgamation of twenty one years with one incredible summer.

From working in a micro-enterprise business office, I gained the concept of how small investments can have large effects on people. From my teammates, I learned to live in community as well as be a part of a team. From the Kenyans, I acquired their perspective of relationships- the ability to have an interruptible life for the sake of others.

In learning those things, I found Erin, my fellow comrade, my sister, my friend. And while we were sitting over coffee and cake on July 12^th, more pieces regarding the future fell into place.

Two counseling majors. Love for Christ. Love for coffee. Love for food. Love for hurting people. Love for Kenya. Throw it all together. The result, the dream, is what we like to refer to as Juja Java- Loving Christ and others through a coffee shop, hiring hurting people while spending a year counseling them, and incorporating the country of Kenya in every way we can.

So this summer was not a boom, a glaring moment of absolute clarity regarding my future. Instead, it was God whispering to me. It was God whispering to Erin. And the whispering has been building and sweeping us along ever since we returned in August. The dream is growing.

Therefore, this blog is yet another symbol which confirms that our desires for Juja Java are indeed manifesting themselves. Moreover, as our dream continues to expound and unfold, we have concluded that there is no better way to document this journey than to blog our way through it.

And I have concluded that even if Juja Java never comes to be, even if we end up living as two hippies in Kenya, even if whatever, the vision before us does not change- we seek holiness that hurts the eyes. Thus the task of our journey remains the same.

So welcome to our journey…

-Bethany-